Ruined?....
I don't understand and maybe some one can help me. If they are good memories than why do I want to forget them.
They are the random thoughts that seep through thte cracks of the wall I put up to block out my recent past. I know it doesn't sound healthy. And it probably isn't.
But it seems all fives senses are held hostage. Even afer a year.
We spent most of our time together in CA. But RI was our home. So coming back to this great big little state has been anything but easy. So many triggers from all around. I feel helpless to stop them. I can't go a day with out her penetrating my brain. She haunts my inner vision. But they are happy memories. Why is that what hurts the most....
Because everytime I let the happy ones in, I am reminded that I will never feel that way again. It makes me feel like a failure.
Now don't get me wrong. I am not saying that I will never feel happy again. Because that would be proposturous. For me feelings are very unique to each individual. On many levels. The same love I felt for her I could never feel for anyone else.
So how long is she gonna ruin my memories before I can accept her to be in them. Because I don't want to live a life of regret....
They are the random thoughts that seep through thte cracks of the wall I put up to block out my recent past. I know it doesn't sound healthy. And it probably isn't.
But it seems all fives senses are held hostage. Even afer a year.
We spent most of our time together in CA. But RI was our home. So coming back to this great big little state has been anything but easy. So many triggers from all around. I feel helpless to stop them. I can't go a day with out her penetrating my brain. She haunts my inner vision. But they are happy memories. Why is that what hurts the most....
Because everytime I let the happy ones in, I am reminded that I will never feel that way again. It makes me feel like a failure.
Now don't get me wrong. I am not saying that I will never feel happy again. Because that would be proposturous. For me feelings are very unique to each individual. On many levels. The same love I felt for her I could never feel for anyone else.
So how long is she gonna ruin my memories before I can accept her to be in them. Because I don't want to live a life of regret....