Ruined?....
I don't understand and maybe some one can help me. If they are good memories than why do I want to forget them.
They are the random thoughts that seep through thte cracks of the wall I put up to block out my recent past. I know it doesn't sound healthy. And it probably isn't.
But it seems all fives senses are held hostage. Even afer a year.
We spent most of our time together in CA. But RI was our home. So coming back to this great big little state has been anything but easy. So many triggers from all around. I feel helpless to stop them. I can't go a day with out her penetrating my brain. She haunts my inner vision. But they are happy memories. Why is that what hurts the most....
Because everytime I let the happy ones in, I am reminded that I will never feel that way again. It makes me feel like a failure.
Now don't get me wrong. I am not saying that I will never feel happy again. Because that would be proposturous. For me feelings are very unique to each individual. On many levels. The same love I felt for her I could never feel for anyone else.
So how long is she gonna ruin my memories before I can accept her to be in them. Because I don't want to live a life of regret....
They are the random thoughts that seep through thte cracks of the wall I put up to block out my recent past. I know it doesn't sound healthy. And it probably isn't.
But it seems all fives senses are held hostage. Even afer a year.
We spent most of our time together in CA. But RI was our home. So coming back to this great big little state has been anything but easy. So many triggers from all around. I feel helpless to stop them. I can't go a day with out her penetrating my brain. She haunts my inner vision. But they are happy memories. Why is that what hurts the most....
Because everytime I let the happy ones in, I am reminded that I will never feel that way again. It makes me feel like a failure.
Now don't get me wrong. I am not saying that I will never feel happy again. Because that would be proposturous. For me feelings are very unique to each individual. On many levels. The same love I felt for her I could never feel for anyone else.
So how long is she gonna ruin my memories before I can accept her to be in them. Because I don't want to live a life of regret....
posted by Mr. Mike at 1:09 PM
4 Comments:
Memories are harder to deal with sometimes than reality. Memories can follow you anywhere you go. So you are right eventually you have to just accept them for what they are. They are a record of what you have gone through to get where you are now. The hard part is judging what parts to use and what parts to ignore while heading torwards the future.
Much Love
If you are wondering and asking all those pertinant questions in your head, why did this happen? why did this go wrong? where? how? Stop wondering all those things and realize that if God, or the one-ness (or whatever you believe) put you through that... There was a lesson there for you to learn. There are lessons in everything, especially those things that hurt. So stop wondering in your cloud of self-doubt and regret, take your lesson.... and move on. Think about what you have learned from it, what you have come out of it with, instead of what it has taken away. Sometimes you take a risk, and get hurt. Sometimes you dont have the courage to let yourself risk your feelings again- but these things happen to all of us, and what would happen if all of us decided not to risk it again? The theory or concept of Love would not even make it to future generations. The strong make it through and get to love again. The weak never knew it to begin with, and the bitter never see it again.
you will find contentment in your past memories when you find contentment in your present life...you can't help the way you feel at the present time because memories and feelings stay fresh in your mind and heart for so long. be content in knowing you are taking it one day at a time and regardless of what you want or how you feel, tomarrow will bring change...and thats the one thing you can't control! so go with it and try to bring your gorgeous smile!!!
WOW, you have some smart people reading your blog.
WRITE MORE!
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